


help me!

by gizmo8989



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2018-12-19 10:01:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 14
Words: 18,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11895363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gizmo8989/pseuds/gizmo8989
Summary: Magnus is a psychiatrist and Alec has many of problems. Alec is special. Can Magnus help him?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello readers..
> 
> English is not my native language. sorry for any spelling mistakes!!  
> this is my first fan-fiction story. I absolutely adore Malec

Magnus POV  
Chapter one

Magnus sat behind his desk and was looking at the file in front of him, until he heard a knock on his door. "Come in"he said with a loud voice. Catherine walked in with a smile on her face.   
“ I see you’re working late today, ” she said.   
‘Well you know me. He said with a wink. I just want to be prepared for tomorrow when the new patient arrives.’ 

Catherine was one of his best friends and one of the kindest human being he had ever met.   
She worked with him in psychiatric clinic. Catherine as an medical doctor and he as a psychiatrist. Most patients were diagnosed with schizophrenia and borderline or other metal illnesses. He and Catherine always tried to get them back in society, were they could have a normal live with a job, a husband/wife, and children. With a good routine, sometimes medication and therapy weekly could make al the different for the patient to lead a successful live. Magnus and Catharine worked on the children/adult group from the age of 16 to 21. 

The patient that arrives tomorrow morning is seventeen. His name is alexander lightwood. The file was huge with documents that went back for 8 years. Alexander was committed three times before now. Once when he was 9 years old for 3 months. He went home with a lot of medication. Once when he was twelve and once when he was 15. His mother Maryse lightwood said on the phone that alexander almost didn’t talked. He had nightmares, panic attacks, hallucinations, and social anxiety. He has two siblings Isabel and max. Isabel is sixteen and max is nine. The last few months the hallucinations became worse. Previous doctors thought of schizophrenia. But he was to young for an official diagnose. Cat looked at him with a genuine smile. “ I know you will do everything you can to help this boy Magnus, but now we have to eat. Come with me, we can get some junk food and watch say Yes to the dress.” She smirked. Magnus nodded and smiled and stood up. ‘ That’s a excellent idea, my dear.’ He put his jacket on and walked to the door and closed it behind him. 

The next morning Magnus arrived at the clinic. When he walked to his office Ragnor called out his name and made his way to him. “Good morning Ragnor, what can I do for my boss and dearest friend? “Good morning Magnus” Ragnor said amused.   
“The family lightwood is sitting in the waiting room. Maryssa requested if she can talk to you first, without alexander.”   
“ I think that’s a good idea,” Magnus said.   
All information would help to diagnose him and would help him to get a clear picture about the situation at home he thought. When he walked across the hall to his office, he saw a woman and a boy sitting in the waiting room. The woman has long black hair, slender posture with expensive clothes. She was talking too the boy, but the boy didn’t respond but kept looking at the ground. The boy had a mop of black hair that covered his eyes and a big part of his face. He had a black sweater on that was way to big for his tender frame. Magnus opened his office door and walked inside. He pulled his jacket off and hangs it on the coat rack. He then made his way to the chair and sat down. There was a cup of coffee on his desk. He pressed the intercom. “Good morning biscuit, thank you for the coffee,You can sent Maryssa lightwood in” He heard a peep and then the sound of Clary’s voice. “Good morning Magnus, you’re welcome. I will sent her in” 

Clary is one of his assistants. She is in her senior year of high school and works part time in the clinic. She lives with Jocelyn, who is a good friend of his. He treated her father valentine who is a schizophrenic and drugs addicted. Valentine left the clinic while he was still in treatment and lost all contact after that with his family. He just vanished. Clary had to grown up without a dad until Jocelyn met Luke who was a police officer. Luke was a strict but an honest and a kind man.

When the door opened Maryse lightwood walked in. He stood up and offered his hand. “Hello Mrs. Lightwood, My name is Magnus Bane. I am the psychiatrist that will treat your son during his time here. “He said with a smile on his lips. She took his hand and said “Hello Mr. bane, my name is Maryse lightwood. It is a pleaser to meet you. You are a busy man with a long waiting list.” She said. Magnus knew that he had quit the reputation. He was only 24 but was graduated cum laude at the university and was well known for his unusual method. He didn’t change his patient too society norms but he learned his patient too embrace the fact that they were different end learned to cope with there ‘’deficiencies’’so they could live a happy life outside the clinic. 

“Take a seat Mrs. lightwood, can I offer you something to drink?.” He said looking at her. “Water please” she said while she sat down. He pressed the intercom and asked clary if she could bring in a glass of water. Clary brought the water and left. There was a silence before Maryse began to talk. “My son Alec… I don’t now were to start. I’m sure you read his file. When he was nine the nightmares began to start, he would wake up in the middle of the night screaming and crying. He began seeing things that weren’t there, he became quitter and changed from a happy boy in a boy who was always tense and scared. He has no friends at school. The last couple of month he became more quite. He wouldn’t talk to me, or his siblings. He comes home from school and goes straight to his room. He rarely sleeps and looks exhausted all the time. I don’t know what the do.” She said with a desperate voice, tears in her eyes. “What about his father?” Magnus asked. “His father is never home. He thinks that Alec should man up and grow over it.” She sighs.  
Magnus looked at the woman across his desk and saw the desperation written on het face. “I think we should call alexander in so we can meet.”

When de door opened Magnus stood up and looked at the boy who walked inside his office. He was looking at the floor. His face still covered with messy black hair. The boy was a little too skinny and shorter then him. “Hello my name is Magnus bane” Magnus spoke up and offered his hand. The boy looked up and there eyes met. Magnus was frozen. Not able to move or to speak. It was the most beautiful boy he had ever seen. Gorgeous hazelnut eyes mixed with green sparks. High cheekbones and full red lips, he bites his lower lip and looks at Magnus under his long black eyelashes. The boy didn’t shook his hand “Alec”. He almost whispers. He kept his arms alongside his body and looked down again. Magnus dropped his hand. “Please take a seat” Magnus pointed to the chair next to Maryse. Alec sat down and made himself as small as possible. 

‘I am the psychiatrist in this clinic. Magnus said with a strict tone, to hide the emotions that went through him. You have three sessions times a week with me, were we will talk. You will share a room with another patient. We will help you too develop a routine to keep you busy. Our goal is to create a homely environment were you can feel safe, alexander. The boy still didn’t look at him. “Clary my assistant will show you around and bring you too your room. In the first two weeks you can call your family once a week. After that there will be family sessions, if I think that it will help you. Alexander do you have any questions?” He didn’t spoke he just shook no with his head. “Okay then.” Magnus pressed the intercom. “Clary can you come into my office for a moment?” the door opened and clary appeared. “Can you show alexander too his room?” “Yes off course” she answered, “Come along Alec” she said with a big smile on her face. Alec stood up and fallowed clary out of the room without looking back.


	2. Hello

Alec POV

This would be the fourth time he was forced into a clinic. He begged his parents not too and that he would try harder to be normal, but they wouldn’t listen. They said that the people at the clinic will help him and that they just couldn’t do it anymore. They were tired. Just tired, that their whole lives evolved around him. Defending him against teachers who would say that there was something wrong with him. That he had no friends, only classmate that bullied him because he was different. Every single day he would come home after school and he would lock himself in the bathroom crying because he felt so lonely. Nobody liked or loved him. Then he would wash his face and pretend that everything was okay. His sister and little brother were the only people who loved and liked him just the way he was. His sister tried many to talk to him many times. Ask him what’s wrong but he just couldn’t say it. Nobody would believe him. He was a freak. He even had tried to take his own life, but at the last moment, with the knife hovering above his wrist he though of Izzi and Max and the pain he would cause them, and het stopped just in time. He told himself that he would wait until they were grown up and they wouldn’t miss him as much because they had their own lives by then. 

And now he was in the clinics waiting room, staring at the ground. His mother was talking too him but he didn’t listen. The only thought he had was, he would be alone again. He would miss his brother and sister, even his mother. He father not so much, he never saw him anyway that would not be different. He looked up when he heard a voice. “Hello Maryse Lightwood, You can come in now” the voice said. It was a beautiful girl with long red curly hair. She had a friendly smile. His mother stood up and threw a last look at him before she follows the red hairy girl. When he was left alone he began to think how he could leave this place as soon as possible. He’ll just pretend that he was cured; that he didn’t see things that other people did not see either. His nightmares were difficult too cover up but he would try his best. Act normal. He could do it! he decided. Lost in his thought, he looked up when he heard footsteps. The red hairy girl put out her hand, “Hello my name is clary. You can come with me, your mother and the doctor are waiting for you” He didn’t took her hand but instead he stood up ready to follow the girl too the doctors office. She looked a little surprised that he didn’t take her hand but she smiled nevertheless. 

She walked in front of him and stopped by a door and opened the door. She turned around and walked away. He pushed the door a little bit further so the door was completely open. When he walked through the door he kept his eyes on the floor until he heard a voice and looked up. Their eyes met. Before him stood a man with the strangest and most beautiful eyes he had ever seen. They were gold-brown with yellow. They made him think of cat eyes. He had spiked black hair; he was a lot taller than him and looked very muscular. He couldn’t take his eyes of him. He felt himself blushing. The doctor looked at him intensely. Immediately he wanted to make himself as small as possible. He broke their eye contact and looked at the hand that was stretched out. He couldn’t take it instead he whispered his name and sat down in the chair, wanting to disappear. He heard the doctor say how his life would be from now. He had to share a room with another patient, he wasn’t happy about that. It would be so much harder to keep his secret if he had a roommate. The doctor’s voice was memorizing. Magnus was his name. In his head he kept repeating the name over and over. The doctor said that clary would give him a tour. Then the doctor called clary though the intercom, the door opened a minute later and he assumed it was clary, he stood up and without saying goodbye to his mother or Magnus he walked out the office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I continue the story??


	3. Wake me up

Magnus POV

It was a long day when he finally got home. When he opened the door of his loft, he was greeted with his cat; chairman meow. He pickets the cat up and holds it against his chest. The cat purred happily. He was just eating and watching glee when his phone rang. He didn’t recognize the number on the screen. “ Hello this is Magnus Bane” “Hello Magnus this is Camille” The voice said. Magnus froze. “I know it’s been a long time, but I want to ask you if you will have dinner with me? She said wit a confident voice. “ I will text you the details. Bye honey.” She spoke before he could answer. Magnus just stood there with the phone in his hand, trying to calm down. Camille, He hadn’t seen her for two years. Not after she cheated on him with one of his friends. They had been together for almost three year. He gave her everything. He loved her. And she betrayed him in the worst possible way. And now she’d called. He didn’t want to waste time thinking about her. He dropped on the couch again and turned glee back on again. 

Somehow he fell a sleep and woke by the sound of the phone ringing. He muttered before he walked to the phone and pickets it up. “ Magnus Bane” he said with an annoyed voice. “Hello Magnus, I m sorry for waking you. I know its two o clock in the morning. But we have a problem.” Magnus was now completely awake. “ It’s Alec, we can’ t calm him down, and al he does is repeating your name, over and over again. I wouldn’t have called if I thought it wasn’t urgently.” She said with despair in her voice. “ How bad is it” he heard himself asking. “It’s pretty bad. Magnus. She said softly. Magnus felt his heard raising. Without thinking he ran to the coat rack and put his jacket on. Het grabbed his keys and was already running to his car.


	4. The dark

Alec POV

He walked through a long hallway with different doors. Clary stopped at one of the doors and knocked on the door. The door opened and a boy appeared. “Hi Jace. I want to introduce you to your new roommate.” She turned around and faced Alec. “ Alec this is Jace your new roommate.” She said. Alec looked up from the ground and looked at the boy. The boy, jace, has blond hair, styled to the side with a few strings falling before his eyes. His eyes are blue with a little brown in it; He is a little taller and muscular than him. His curious eyes stared at him. Jace offered his hand but Alec just stared at it. Jace dropped his hand. He turned around and walked back in the room, Alec followed him. The room was small, with two separated beds and dressers. Jace pointed at the bed on the right side. “ This is my bed, you can sleep there.” He pointed to the bed on the left side of the room. Alec walked to the bed and sat on it. He saw his luggage. Somebody brought it to the room after they went though his stuff to see if he had things in his luggage he should not have. He knew the drill. He felt jace sitting next to him on the bed. “ I know it’s scary to be here, ” Jace said. Alec looked at him and tears fell from his eyes. Jace moved his hand to Alec’s cheek, but before he could touch him, Alec pulled back from the hand yelling,“ don’t touch me.” Jace dropped his hand with a shocked face. “ I’m sorry I wont touch you, ” he said with a reassuring voice. Alec looked at him through his teary eyes. “ Are you mad at me?” Alec whispered. “No of course not, I’m you friend now.” He said with a big smile. Alec returned the smile. He never had any friends, so he was worried he wasn’t good at it. He looked at jace lying on his own bed. He really wanted to have a friend. He felled a little better about spending his time here in the clinic.

The rest of the day went in a blur. He met Catherina his doctor she physically examined him. She was very nice and sweet to him. She tried her very best not to touch his skin directly. She even put on gloves so she could examine him properly. He was glad for the gloves. It helped. 

After that he had a groups meeting with the other patients. They sat in a circle and everybody introduced themselves. There are four other patients in his group. Simon talked a lot. He liked star wars and lord of the ring; he has brown hair, glasses and wears a shirt with a hobbit on it. Then there is Maia. She had a little tanner skin then Magnus. She has dark hair dark eyes and looked beautiful. She didn’t talk much except with Lydia. Lydia has long blond hair, green eyes and a kind smile. And then there was Jace. After introduction they went to the dining room. They had to cook the food themselves. Clary wasn’t just Magnus assistant but she also helped them cook. Jace tried very hard to get her attention. Alec though it was very funny how hard he tried. He pulled her chair before she sits down. He asked her if she was thirsty and brought her a glass of water. He tried to sit next to her but Simon and Maia beats him to it. And then he pouted. Alec couldn’t control his grin. Jace looked at him with a smirk. 

After dinner he went to his room. He took a quick shower. After that he put on his sleepwear. He walked to his luggage and put his clothes in the dresser. He puts his books and a photograph on his bedside table. “ Are they your siblings? ” jace asked pointing at the picture. “ Yes, they are. The girl is Isabelle and the little boy is Max. I miss them already.” Alec said with a sad voice. “ You will se them soon. Don’t worry.” Jace said trying to make Alec feel better. Alec offered him a small smile. He lied down on his bed and began reading. 

He must have fallen a sleep because when he opened his eyes the room was dark. He instantly panicked. They came in the dark. He tried to calm down. Focusing on is breathing. And then he saw it. Red eyes were looking at him from the corner from the room. He closed his eyes. This isn’t real. This isn’t real. This isn’t real. He kept repeating over and over in his mind. He heard a laugh. Chills are running over his arms. He feels breathing on his face, but he kept his eyes close. “ This isn’t real. This isn’t real.” He didn’t know he was saying it out lout. Then the demon touched him. He instantly opened his eyes and looked directly in red ones. A second later pain shot through his body. He was thrown against the wall. He couldn’t breath. The touch of the demon still lingered his skin. He tried to scrap the touch from his skin. Tears running down his cheeks. He didn’t’ register that jace got the light on and screamed Catherine for help. He kept scraping until blood was dripping from his arm. Nobody could help him. Nobody would help him. Magnus. The name appeared in his mind. Magnus said that he would help him. “ Magnus” he kept repeating the name. Maybe he could help him. No nobody could, who would believe him. And then he heard it. “ Alexander “ He looked up trough his teary eyes and met Magnus eyes.


	5. Leave the lights on

Magnus POV

When he rushed to the clinic. Catherine was already waiting for him.  
“Where is he?” he almost screamed. “ He is in his room. Cat answered “We tried to talk too him, too calm him down, but he won’t listen. The nurse’s wants too sedate him. I convince them too wait until you were here. But if you can’t calm him down. We have too.” She said with regret in her voice. They almost ran to alexander’s room. He stopped in his tracks when he saw the boy. He was curled up in the corner of the room. Blood dripping from his arm too the floor. His head rested on his knees. He heard him whisper his name. His heart broke when he saw the boy. He looked absolutely terrified. Why was he so scared? 

With caution he stepped in the room. He sat down in front of the boy, but at a distant. He didn’t want too scare the boy even more. “Alexander” He called with a worried voice. The boy looked up. Face covered in tears and blood, probably from rubbing his face. “Magnus” the boy whispered. “ Alexander its okay. I’m here and I’m going to help you.” He said trying to calm the boy down. The boy kept looking at him with big eyes. He looked like a reindeer caught in the headlight. The boy’s body was shaking. Magnus didn’t know if it was from the cold floor or from fear. He presumed both. “Here are some gloves and bandages for the deep cutes.” Catherine threw them at Magnus. “ Put them on. He doesn’t like to be touched with bare skin. She said. Magnus puts on the gloves. “ Alexander” He said coming closer to the boy. “ I’m going to touch you. We need to stop the bleeding. Is that okay? He kept looking at the boy’s face. The boy nodded and stopped shaking. Magnus was now so close that he almost touched him. Alexander looked at the gloves covering Magnus hands. The boys face showed relief. He slowly reached for alexander’s arm and covered the deep cutes with bandages. “Catherine will clean the cutes and look at them, you might need stitches. Is that okay? The boy nodded again. The boy looked much calmer now. He kept looking at him with those big hazelnut eyes. Magnus heart skipped a beat. He wasn’t prepared what happened next. But when he tried to lean back from the boy, to give him space. The boy put his arms around him and pressed his face in the crook of his neck. Magnus froze. And then he relaxed and put his arms around the boy’s waist and hugged him back. Magnus felt tears against his neck. The boy’s body started to shake. He strokes the boys back and let him cry. He didn’t know how long they sat on the cold floor both on their knees hugging each other, but when he finally pulls back. The boy was no longer crying. He kept looking at the ground as if he was in a trance. Magnus carefully pulled his chin up. This seemed to snap the boy out of it. When their eyes met, Alec whispered, “I’m sorry” “For what?” Magnus asked in confusion. Alec looked like he wanted to say something but he didn’t. I’m also sorry for that.” Alec pointed at Magnus clothes. Magnus looked down and saw tears and bloodstains on his shirt. “ Don’t be sorry alexander “ he said with reassuring smile. “ I have plenty of clothes”. Alec searches his face to see if he was lying, but when he saw Magnus wasn’t. A small smile appeared on the boy’s face. Magnus stood up and pulled the boy with him. “ Alexander go with Catherine. She will take care of your arm.” Alec nodded. “We will talk about this in our first session tomorrow” Try to get some rest” Alec trained at the door. Then he looked at Magnus “Magnus, can I leave the lights on at night? He whispered. Manus almost couldn’t hear him. Before he could say anything. Jace stepped in the room with his hands in his pockets “ Off course you can leave the lights on, it doesn’t bother me. He said smiling. Alec gave him a grateful smile before he followed Catherine out of the room. 

Magnus couldn’t sleep that night. He kept looking at the ceiling thinking of Alexander. How scared the boy was. He already knew that he would do anything to help him. Alexander unlocked something in him and it scared him. He never had felt this protective over someone. He convinced himself that alexander was just a patient. That he wasn’t special. Before he fell asleep he almost believed the lie he was telling himself. Almost.

Alec POV   
When he was back in his room. He lay on his bed. Jace had left the lights on just like he said he would. Before he fell asleep he thought of Magnus. He came for him, to help him. Maybe he could. He wasn’t thinking straight when he hugged Magnus. Magnus beautiful golden eyes that were looking at him with so much compassion. He knew what happened when his skin came in contact with someone else. When he touched Magnus, his face in his neck. Images appeared in his mind: When Magnus was a child, lying on the ground with a man hovering above him. The man has a belt in his hands. He felled everything what Magnus felled when the man beat the crap out of him., Magnus looking at someone who’d hanged herself. He saw Magnus being bullied at school. Someone threw him to a locker and called him names like fairy and everybody laughed at him. But most of all he felled a loneliness that compared with his own. He also felled a kindness and selfness less. Magnus was strong and confident but also very compassioned. These were the last thoughts before he fell asleep. 

The next morning he walked to the hallway when he saw a new face. It looked like he was also patient. The boy had blond hair and brown almost black eyes. Jace appeared next to him. “ His name is Sebastian, “ he said, following Alec’s eyes. “This is his second time here, and I hoped I would never see him again”. Jace said with a bitter voice. “That boy is trouble.” On cue Sebastian looked at their direction. He looked at Alec. Eyes traveling his face and body before their eyes met. He then smiled and winked at Alec. Alec instantly blushed.


	6. Chapter 6

Magnus pov.

When he heard a knock on the door. Magnus looked up too see alexander standing in the doorway. “Come in alexander. Please sit down ” he said pointing at the couch in his office. He saw Alec staring at him before he walked to the couch to and sat down. Magnus was wearing a bleu shirt with black pants; he had a line of black kohl under his eyes and a couple of blue strikes in his hair. Magnus sat down in a chair in front of Alec. 

“ So, how are you feeling today alexander” he said looking at Alec. Alec just shrugged his shoulders. “ Okay I guess ” he said with an unsure voice not looking at Magnus. 

“ Tell me something about your siblings” Magnus said trying to make the boy feel less guarded. It worked, because Alec looked up wit a little smile on his lips.

“ I have two siblings Izzy and max. Izzy is sixteen but her birthday is coming soon.” He rambled, “She likes clothes and make up. Her favorite thing to do is shop. She always tries to convince me to go shopping with her ” he said with fondness in his voice. “ Max is nine and he is just too adorable. He likes videogames and likes to solve puzzles. He is very smart. ”Alec said full of pride.

“ So you have a good relationship with both your siblings?” Magnus asked with a smile. Something darkened in Alec’s eyes. His whole posture changed. He looked down again. “ I love them very much but I hate the fact that I hurt them. They are always worried about me. They deserve a better big brother. Not a freak like me.” He said with a small voice.

“ Alexander” Magnus said with a soft voice. Alec refused too meet Magnus eyes. “ Alexander you are not a freak” He said with a confident voice. “From what I can tell you are kind and compassioned to your siblings. I am sure they love you very much. Your sister called two times already to ask if you are okay. I said to your sister that you would call them today.” When Alec heard that, he looked up with a smile “ can I?” he asked with excitement in his voice. “ Yes you can” Magnus answered with a smile on his lips staring at the adorable boy in front of him. He realized he wanted to make Alexander happier more often. When the boy smiled his whole face would light up. He looked absolutely beautiful, even with his messy bed hair and dark circles under his eyes from not sleeping, Magnus realized in awe. He felt the urge too wipe the boy’s hair from his forehead. 

“ Are you okay?” alexander asked with concern in his voice. Magnus realized that he had been staring at alexander. “ Yes I was just thinking” Magnus said a little to fast to hide the fact that he had been staring at alexander. That wasn’t very professional he told himself. “ What about your relationship with your parents? Are you close?” Magnus asked. “ I was very close with my mother” but not anymore” Alec said tears forming in his eyes. He tried to blink them away. “ Why is that, you think? Magnus asked. “ Because of me.” There is something wrong with me. The boy said with a small voice. 

“Why do you think there is something wrong with you?” Magnus asked. “ I can’t tell you. You wouldn’t believe me. The last time I told somebody they thought I was crazy and they locked me up for three months.” Alec said a tear rolling down his cheeks. He looked so lost Magnus thought looking at the boy. “ Alexander look at me” Magnus said with a commanding tone. Alec looked up and met Magnus eyes. “ I wouldn’t never do that to you.” I’m here to help you, not to lock you up. You don’t have to tell me now, but if you are ready, I am here. You can trust me alexander. He looked at the boy trying to read his mind. Alec just gave him a small smile and whispered “ Thank you.” 

 

Magnus thought it was enough for one session. “ Alexander, you did very good today, our next session is in two days. I told clary would call your family today after dinner. Just walk to front desk and ask for clary. Okay?” “Okay” Alec said standing up and walking to the door. Magnus stared at him until he couldn’t see him anymore. 

 

Alec POV.  
When he walked out of Magnus’s office, he felt somehow lighter. Like he wasn’t alone. Perhaps he could tell Magnus his secret and Magnus could help him. He walked to the dinner room. He saw jace, Maia,lydia and Simon all siting at one table. Lydia saw him first and she smiled at him.

“Alec, Come sit here!”, She almost shout. And she patted with her hand on the spot next to her. 

He slowly walked to the table, to Lydia, and sat next to her. Giving her a small smile in return. 

“ How was your first session?” Jace asked with genuine interest, his eyes never leaving Alec’s.   
“It was alright ” he said feeling a little bit unconformable. Looking at the table. Lydia noticed and she began talking over the new patient Sebastian. 

“I can’t believe he is already here again. It feels like he just left.” She whispered, afraid that anyone besides they would hear. 

“I hoped I’d never see him again. Simon said with a hint of fear his voice.   
“ What happened?” Alec asked

“ He bullied Simon” Jace said with anger in his voice. “When Simon came here, Sebastian started to harass him. He started with insulting him. Simon is pansexual and somehow he knew it. He called him names, went trough his stuff and took things from him. He would wait until he was alone and pushed him so he would fall and then laughed at him. It was pretty bad. The nurses, Catherine and Magnus all knew, but nobody could prove that it was Sebastian that took his things.” 

“ Where is he now?” Alec asked looking around the room. All the other tables were empty. “ He has his medical check up.” Maia said. Well I hope he goes to a different group. So we don’t have to see him anymore.” She said looking at Simon, who played with his food and stared at the table. 

“Come on!” jace said standing up from the table. “We have to go to the gym.” “The gym?” Alec asked confused. “Yes, its part of the program too release bad tension.” Although I like the gym, I know a better method to release tensing. He said with a smirk on his face. Maia slapped his shoulder laughing. Simon and Lydia were laughing to. Alec looked confused until he finally got it. He instantly blushed.

They all stood up and Alec followed them too the gym room. When he realized he was the only without a gym bag with clothes. He turned around and said over his shoulder. “ I am going to get some gym clothes. I will be right back” He almost ran over the hallway not wanting to waste time so he wouldn’t be late. Before he knew what was happening, he collided with someone. He fell on his back and his head had slammed to the wall. It wasn’t just the crash that pulled the breath out of his lungs. It was the feeling he got when the person touched him. He felt pure evil. Someone who get’s pleasure out of inflicting pain and hurt on others. He slowly opened his eyes and blinked against the bright light from the hallway. He then looked at the boy who was almost standing now. It was Sebastian.

Sebastian looked it him with a smirk. “ We finally meet. I am Sebastian.” He said extending his hands so he could pull him up from the floor. Alec just stared at him. Before Alec knew it, Sebastian grabbed his wrists pulled him up and pressed him against the wall. “ Well aren’t you just a pretty one “ he said his finger trailing down Alec’s cheek his other hand pressed against Alec’s chest. When Alec tried to pull away, Sebastian smashed him for the second time against the wall. Alec let out a whimper of pain. 

“ Be a good boy and stay! He said with a treated voice. “Don’t scream nobody cares enough to help you. He said letting his hand wander over the Alec’s body. Alec stood frozen with images of all he things Sebastian did to others like him. Tears started to run down his cheek. “ Don’t cry pretty one” You will be special, such a pretty boy. Alec tried too free himself but Sebastian arms didn’t’ give an inch. “Please let me go” Alec begged.   
Sebastian put on of his hands under his shirt and strokes his bare chest. “ You like this, don’t you” he said smirking. Suddenly there was a sound of footsteps, someone was coming. Sebastian pressed his lips in his neck and whispered “ until next time pretty boy” 

He then released him, Alec fell on the floor his legs couldn’t carry him anymore. He just cried. 

 

Magnus POV  
Magnus was walking to his car, until he suddenly couldn’t move anymore. Somehow he felt the urge to go back. He turned around and walked back to the clinic. He walked though the hallway and turned the corner. He froze. Alec was lying there, curled up and crying, “ alexander! “ he shouted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like the story please leave comments or kudos.  
> it is very much appreciated :)


	7. Friends

Magnus pov

He ran towards Alec and crunched in front of him, careful not too touch him. “Alexander are you okay? What happened?” He asked with a concerned voice looking at the boy in front of him. The boy stopped crying but didn’t look up. He just sat there, his head resting on his knees. Magnus took a change and slowly reached out. He put’s a finger under the boys chin and lifts his face. Alec looked at him in wonder. His eyes staring into Magnus’s looking for something. “What is it” Magnus asked confused. “ You care about me, I can feel it “ Alec whispered a blush creeping on his cheeks. He said it so quietly that Magnus almost couldn’t hear him. 

Magnus was shocked and tried to compose himself. “I care about all my patients alexander”   
Magnus said trying to gain some control. He was de adult. He was the professional. And he only cared so much because Alexander was his patient. Nothing more nothing less, he convinced himself. “ Now what happened?” Magnus asked.

“ Nothing I just panicked” alexander lied looking at the wall behind Magnus. “ Are you sure nothing happened?” Magnus asked clearly not convinced. “ Yes I am sure” Alec said pulling himself from the ground. Magnus also stands up. They look at each other for a few seconds and then alexander breaks the eye contact and starts walking away. He stops and turns around. “Thank you for caring” he hen said a little smile on his lips. 

 

Alec POV

When he was in his room he laid down on his bed on the cold sheets, thoughts began running trough his head. He just called his family. He missed them so much. Max and Izzy. He hoped he would see them soon, even is mother. But in the mean time what was he supposed to do with Sebastian? He had to be stronger. He never wanted to feel this weak again. And than Magnus found him. Magnus. He was different then all the people he met before. He cared.. that was different. But he did something to him. He had a strange feeling in his stomach every time he saw him. He didn’t know that feeling, because he never felled it before. Maybe you feel this if you like somebody. But that couldn’t be because Magnus was a man and he liked girls. Right? He honestly didn’t know because he never liked a girl. But on the other hand he never liked a boy either. He always was very isolated. He never had the change to connect with somebody. On school they bullied him or avoid him. 

He wants to be different. He wants to have friends. Maybe he could change and let someone in. he signed. The thought of that terrified him. He got pulled out of his thought when jace got in the room. “ Hey man where were you?” jace asked concern on his voice.   
Alec felled overwhelmed. This is the second time somebody seemed to care about him. Jace sat beside him on the bed. “ Alec you can trust me. I want to be your friend. Tell Me,” he said with pleading eyes. Alec decided on that moment that he didn’t want to be alone. He wanted to have a friend. “ Jace I want tot tell you. I want you to be my friend. I ‘m just scared” Alec said. “ jace stood up walked to the door and closed it. He walked back to Alec’s bed and sat down beside Alec. Alec rested his head against the wall and took a big breath trying to calm down. He then looked at Jace. Jace looked back with a curious expression on his face, ready to hear what Alec has to tell. “ I’m” Alec starts with hesitation. “ Different, hmm weird, hmm not normal, take your pick.” Alec said a little ashamed. Jace just looks at him “ nobody is here without a reason. We all have our stories” Jace said trying to comfort him. “ No I can see and feel thinks that nobody around me can” Alec continuous. Not looking at Jace. “ What do you mean?”Jace asked. “If I touch people or people touch me I can see little parts of their life’s, like images of their past. But I can also feel what they are feeling at the moment they touch me” Alec was too scared to look at jace. There was a silence between them. Alec knew Jace was processing what Alec just said.   
“Okay” jace just said. “ Okay?” you believe me Alec asked unsure. “ Yes I believe you “ he just said shrugging his shoulders and looking in Alec eyes. “ and your not weirded out?’ Alec asked.  
“ No, hmm I mean its different but I like you Alec and I want for us to be friends, if you want that too?” Jace asked a little unsure. “ Yes, of course I want that Alec exclaimed with a happy smile on his face. “ well do you want to watch a movie?” jace asked standing up to get his laptop. “Yes I would like that” Alec said with a shy smile.   
After they watched two movies, It was getting late. Alec lay next to Jace on the bed, Shoulders almost touching. After the movie ended there was a silence between them. They both were looking at the ceiling; jace had his hands folded under his head. “ Jace can I ask you something?”  
Jace nodded his head. “ Why are you here?” Jace shoulders and arms suddenly came tensed. “ I can’t take about it” he whispered. Alec felt a movement next to him. He looked up to him and saw jace pull his hand from under his head and lay it on the bed right next to Alec. “ But if you want I can show you” Alec looked at de vulnerable expression in his eyes. Alec slowly pulled his hand up and let it down on the spot were jace’s hand lay, he then touched jace’s hand and connected their Fingers. 

Almost instantly images appeared in his mind. Jace at the piano playing and every time he missed a tone he would lay his hand on the table and an older man ( he presumed his dad) would hit his fingers with a wooden stick. The pain was excruciating. He felt tears starting to fall from his eyes. 

The next image was a wild falcon on jace arm. He was so little. Jace’s dad said. If you can train him you can have him. But he must trust you completely. The next thing he saw were a bunch off images of jace training the falce. He got bitten several times but jace pushed trough. The falcon became jace’s best friend. He could feel it. One day his dad walked to the garden, jace was playing with the falcon. “ I see you trained him well” the man said. He walked to the falcon and in one movement he turned his head. Jace screamed, tears running down his face. He ran to the falcon that lay dead on the ground and picked it up. “ Why!! Why did you do that??” jace asked completely devastated. Alec felt his heard break in his chest. “ I told you to train him, not to love him, Love makes you weak, and you need to be strong” the older man said with a cold voice. 

The third image was of jace living on the streets, sleeping in an abandon alley. He was sleeping until somebody pulled his jacket of him. Jace woke up when he saw another boy stealing his jacket and he just lost it. It was one of the few things he possessed. He hit the boy in the face. The boy fell on the ground but jace didn’t stop. He kept hiding the boy until a policeman pulled him of the boy. The boy looked more dead then alive. The police took him to the police station. And the judge decided that he needed to control his anger and that’s the reason he was here. Anger management. 

Alec came back to the present. Tears still covered his cheeks. Jace just looked at him “ What did you see?” he asked with a little voice eyes looking at the ceiling. “ The piano, the falcon and the reason you are here, Jace I m so sorry, you didn’t deserve this” alec said wiping a tear from jace’s cheek. “ Thank you alec”. Jace said with a little smile. I’m glad you know” He added.  
“ I’m glad I know too” alec smiled back. “ Can I confess something? I like holding your hand. It’s been so long ago since I touched somebody except my siblings” he said feeling embarrassed. “ Well you may touch me as much as you like. I have nothing to hide from you” jace said still holding Alec’s hand. “ Do you really mean that?” alec almost whispered. “ yes I do”. We are best friends now. You know something about me that nobody knows and I know something about you that nobody knows, we like each other and that makes us best friend. Alec just closed his eyes and whispered back “ We are best friends”. Then they both fell a sleep lying next to each other holding hands. This was the first night the demons didn’t come. 

The next morning alec and jace went tot the dinning room to get breakfast. When they walked in, alec just laughing at something jace had said, Magnus just walked out. “ Hey jace and alexander” Magnus said looking at the two boys in front of him. “ Hey Magnus” Alec said feeling a little shy. “ So you two are friends already? Magnus said with an amused smile on his face. Alec couldn’t turn his eyes away from Magnus. He thought Magnus looked beautiful. with his bleu strikes in his black hair, make up on, he was wearing a golden shirt with black stripes and black pants. Jace answered. “ Yes we are. It is well known that I am amazing, very likable. Who doesn’t want to be my friend, it’s an honor! jace said with a cocky smile on his face. Looking at  
Alec. Alec just laughs and pushed his shoulder to jace’s shoulder, arms touching. Magnus was in chock. He stared at Alec and Alec stared back. Jace looked confused between the two of them “Are you okay Magnus” jace asked breaking the silence and the staring. “ Yes everything is all right he said with fake a smile, have a nice day you two” He walked away avoiding Alec’s eyes. 

“ Well that was strange” Jace said walking too the kitchen to prepare breakfast. “ What?” Alec asked. “ Magnus, he was acting strange”. Jace said taking the eggs and a pan from kitchen cabinet. Alec just shrugged his shoulders. Jace began chatting about a movie he wanted to see when the kitchen door opened and Simon walked in. in that moment jace arm touched Alec’s arm. Jace looked at Simon. Alec felt what jace was feeling. It was the same feeling he got when he saw Magnus. Alec didn’t understand. He thought Jace liked clary. Jace somehow knew by looking at Alec’s confused face what was going on and pulled his arm back. He then turned around hiding the blush that crept on his face.

 

Magnus POV  
Magnus shut the door from his office. When he saw alexander and jace touching he felt something he hadn’t felt in a long time. He knew what the feeling was. Jealousy. It was absurd. He was Alec’s doctor. He wasn’t jealous. 

No? Why did he want to pull Alec away from jace, so they couldn’t touch anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like the story/chapter please leave kudos or/and comments:)


	8. Heal me

Alec POV

It was three days ago when Alec first came to the clinic and his life was already a lot different then before. One of the biggest changes was that he had a friend. He’d never had a friend and it felt amazing. They would talk a lot about everything but they also watched movies together, team up together at gym and eat while sitting next to each other. He never had that before. Someone who cared about him and wanted to spent time with him.

And then there was Magnus. He wasn’t quit sure how he felt about him. He liked seeing him and talking to him. Sometime Magnus would eat with them. He, Catherine and clary would sit at a table together, making jokes and laughing with each other. Anyone could see they were all really good friend. And sometimes their eyes met at dinner. Unable to look away he stared in Magnus eyes. Feeling like he wasn’t able to move, even to breath. The intensity of Magnus stare paralyzed him and all he could do was stare back in those beautiful golden eyes that held him prison.  
There was something about Magnus that pulled Alec in, and he didn’t know what to do with it.

When they went to breakfast that morning, they were early nobody was up yet. They were the only one there until Sebastian walked in. he hadn’t seen him since he got pushed against the wall. Sebastian took a tray and put food on it. Then he turned around and noticed Alec sitting there. He smirked and winked. Alec stiffed. Jace saw the tension in Alec’s posture.“ Alec, are you okay?” Jace asked worried. Alec didn’t answered he kept starring at Sebastian. “ Did he do something to you?” jace asked anger present in his voice. “ Alec finally snapped out of the staring and looked at the table. “ he pressed me against the wall” he said with a little voice not wanting to tell everything that happened. “ He did what?” Jace almost shout already getting up from the chair. Alec stopped him by putting his hand around his wrist. “ Please don’t go to him, you will only make it worse. I need tot defend myself” Alec said trying to convince jace to sit down again. 

Jace reluctantly sat down. “ I don’t want to be weak anymore, to be bullied because everybody think I am a easy target” Alec said tears forming in his eyes. Jace put his hand on Alec’s shoulder and pulled his chin up so Alec had to look at him. “ I’m going to help you. I’m a good fighter and I am going too teach you.” He said standing up. Wait a minute I will be right back. Alec looked at jace walking away. A minute later he came back and sat down next to Alec. “ Good news, I asked Catherine if we can used the gym and she said it was okay, so we can go after breakfast.” Jace said with a smile.

“I’d really like that, but I have a session with Magnus first but maybe after? He said with a hopeful look in his eyes. “ Yeah come and find me when you’re done okay? Jace said. “ Okay I will and Jace thank you… for everything” he hugged jace and pulled him close. “ Best friends right?” jace whispered in his ear. “ Right” Alec said smiling. They pulled apart when they heard a loud bang. Simon was standing there looking at them with anger in his eyes but it disappeared so quickly that jace didn’t know if he imagined it. Simon’s tray with food was scattered on the floor. Simon crouched to clean it up. Jace and alec made their way to Simon to help him, “ I got it “ Simon said when jace crouched down to help him. “ I don’t need your help” Simon said not looking up. “ What’s your problem?“ jace said annoyed standing up. “ You” simon mumbled But it went lost because Maia and Lydia came rushing towards him. “ What happened?” Lydia asked. “ The tray slipped out of my hands” Simon said not looking at anyone. Jace snorted. Simon shot him an angry look. 

When everything was cleaned up they all sat down. Maya started talking about a client that died. It was a boy his name was ray. He got treatment here before he went home last week. He committed suicide yesterday. “ Did you guys knew him?” Alec asked. “ Yes we knew him but he was very closed off. He never talked to me and was always in his room. His parent wanted him home” Lydia said “ the same” Jace said “ he never talked to me except from a hello” There was a silence between them. Alec thought about the time wanted to end his life because he couldn’t take it anymore, only the though of his siblings pullet him through. Alec looked at the clock. He had a session with Magnus. He stood up, that’s when he heard scouting. He began walking to the door and heard a gunshot. He froze for a second and then he start running

 

Magnus POV:  
His morning couldn’t go any worse. He woke up with a text message from Camille about dinner. Than his cat was missing, he search everywhere but there was no trace of chairman meow. It happened a few times before and the chairman always came back but he worried anyway. Now he was at his office and ray’s father was here. A previous client who he heard killed himself yesterday. He treated the boy but his problems and mental issues where so severe that he had no choice but to let him committed too the psych ward. His parent didn’t approve and wanted him home. So they signed the papers and took the boy home last week and now he committed suicide. 

Ray’s father walked closer to Magnus “ this is all your fault, he was worse when he got out of the clinic then when he first came here” he shouted with a angry voice. “ You didn’t want to help him” instead he became worse and worse.” He continued angry weaving his hands around. Magnus felt threatened and took a step back trying to create some distant between them. He felt his back touching the wall. “ I am so sorry for your lost. I know it’s very hard to deal with but I did my best to help him the best that I could.” Magnus said trying to calm the man down. It didn’t work. “If that was your best than your best wasn’t good enough” he shouted with an angry voice. He then lifted his sweater and pulled a gun and pointed at Magnus. “ Now you know what my son must have felt like, trapped, nowhere to go and no one to help him.” He then pulled the trigger. Magnus looked down and he could see a red spot on his shirt that became bigger and bigger. When he looked up ray’s father was gone.

 

Alec POV

He started running towards Magnus office. The door was open he slowly walked in and then he froze. There was Magnus lying against the wall. Shot. Magnus had his eyes open and looked at Alec. Alec ran to him and sat on his knees. He started to unbutton his shirt. Magnus was trying to say something. “ Shhh you are going to be okay” Alec tried to comfort him. When his hand touched his naked chest, the pain Magnus felt run through him. Magnus was on the edge of passing out. “ Magnus stay with me, look at me, don’t leave me.” He pleaded looking in Magnus eyes. His hand started to glow. He felt his eyes turning. Magnus looked at him terrified. He felt his energy entered Magnus body. The blood stopped running from Magnus wound. He felt Magnus healing and it drained him. He felt weak but he had to push trough, he couldn’t let him die. When the wound was completely closed. He fell backwards on the ground too tired to sit up. He just lay there. 

 

Magnus POV   
He was lying against the wall. Pain shot through his body. Paralyzed him. He looked up and then he saw alexander. Alec just stood there in chock before kneeled before him. He wanted to comfort the boy but he couldn’t speak. “ Shhh you are going to be okay” Alec said to him. He felt alexander unbutton his shirt and then he felt a hand on his wound. He hissed in pain. It felt really hot. He looked up and Alec’s hazelnut eyes changed in the brightest color blue he had ever seen. He felt terrified when those eyes stared in to his. What was going on? What was he? He slowly felt his pain disappear. When the pain was completely gone. He saw Alec fell backwards. In that moment Catherine rushed in. “Magnus what happened?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like the story/ chapter please leave comments and kudos 
> 
> Because I really like that :)


	9. Wanting

Alec POV

When he woke up he was lying on his own bed. His head hurt. He blinked his eyes to focus. He wanted to sit up but he couldn’t move. He closed his eyes again trying to ignore the pain in his head. He feels a hand on his chest and he opened his eyes. He saw jace standing, hovering above him with a worried look on his face.  
“Are you alright buddy?” jace asked while his eyes wandering Alec’s body searching for injuries.   
“yeah, I’m alright. Only my head hurts.” Alec said with a little smile on his face to show Jace that he was really all right. He tried to sit up again this time succeeding. He tried to think of what happened. He’d saw Magnus was shot and saved him but he must have pass out because he couldn’t remember what happened after that. “ How is Magnus?” he then asked with a little voice. “ Fine I think why?” Jace asked with a confused look on his face. “ How did I get here? Alec asked ignoring jace question. 

“ Magnus carried you here. He was the one that found you. You know the story from the patient that committed suicide right?” Jace continued not waiting for the answer. “His father was here and he was very angry. He knocked you over when you walked into Magnus office. That was the bang we heard, because you hit your head pretty hard against the wall. Then he ran away an Magnus carried you here after Catherine examined you”.Jace finished sitting down on the bed next to alec. The first thought that ran through Alec’s head was: Magnus kept his secret. But why? He felled that Magnus was terrified of him. He probably thought he was a freak; Lock him up somewhere where nobody could find him. Just when he began to freak out there was a knock on the door. The door opened without waiting for reply and he looked directly in Magnus eyes. 

Alec let his eyes wander over his chest were he was shot but he couldn’t see anything because he had a black jacket on, that was buttoned up. He let his eyes travel up until he met his eyes again. They just stared at each other until Jace cleared his throat. Magnus eyes shot over to jace. “ Jace can je leave us please, I need to talk to Alec” Jace looked at Alec who slowly nodded. Jace then stood up and left the room. This was the first time Magnus called him Alec and he didn’t like it. Once alone Alec didn’t know what to say. He looked down at the floor. He feels Magnus eyes staring at him. “ Are you okay?” Magnus asked breaking the silence. “ Yeah” Alec answered nervous still not looking at him.

There was a awkward silence again. Alec finally lifted his eyes from the floor and looked at magnus. Magnus hadn’t moved. “ So what are you alec? Magnus finally asked looking at him.   
“ I’m different” alec began to explain looking everywhere except Magnus, emotions were overwhelming him. He had this secret for so long and nobody knew except Jace. He felled vulnerable, like this was a moment in his life that could break him even further. “ What do you mean by different?” Magnus asked with a soft voice, walking to the bed and sitting next to Alec. 

 

They were sitting pretty close Alec realized. “Uhm I can do and see things nobody can” Alec continued but became silence after that. He looked at his hands not wanting to see Magnus face. “ What can you do? Magnus asked with no emotions in his voice. I can manipulate life. Like saving someone how is injured, or make someone better if they are sick. Alec began rambling because if he stopped talking he’d lose his nerve to tell Magnus the truth. I can also feel emotion if someone touches me or I touch them. Sometimes I can see in someone’s soul. “ What do you mean by that?” Magnus asked the trembling in his voice betrayed that he wasn’t as calm as he seemed to be. “ Well I get images of things they went trough, the life changing advents that make a person the person they are. Alec said looking at his hands.

 

Magnus POV

Magnus kept silence progressing everything alec said. He would think the person was delusional if it was anyone else telling him this story. But this was alexander, the person who saved him from a shot wound. He looked beside him and saw alexander looking at his hands. He looked completely and utterly lost. “ Do you believe me?” alec asked with a little and unsure voice. “ Alec look at me” Alec looked up and Magnus had to do everything to not get lost in his eyes. “ Alexander you saved me from a shot wound. How can I ever not believe you” He said with gentle smile on his face. “And you don’t think I am a freak?” Alec asked still not convinced Magnus really believed him. “ Alexander I think you are amazing” Magnus said with so much feeling showing in his eyes. “Really?” Alec asked just to make sure Magnus wasn’t lying. “ You said you can feel what someone else feels if you touch them right? Magnus asked. “ Alec just nodded.   
Magnus reached with his hand to alec’s lap. He then slowly lowered his hand and let his finger brushed alec’s wrist. 

 

Alec POV

Alec froze a tingling feeling spread trough his arm. He looked at Magnus with wide eyes. Magnus feelings went through him. And he felt beautiful and special and he also felt desire. It was the same feeling he had but he couldn’t place it until now, he knew now it was desire. Magnus wants to touch him, to feel his skin, to be close to him, to breath him in. Magnus really thought he was beautiful. He felt happy that someone like Magnus would think he was beautiful and before he could think about it, he whispered. “ I think you are beautiful too.” Magnus instantly let pulled his hand back a blush forming on his cheeks.   
He then stood up not looking at Alec and walked to the door. He then turned around and said “ Thank you Alexander for saving my life” With that he walked through the door and closed it.

Two days had passed and he hadn’t seen Magnus. He felt restless. He was on his way to the dinning room when he heard voices come from Simon’s room. He was curious and pushed the door open. There was Maia, Lydia, Jace and some guy Alec hadn’t seen before. They all looked chocked but when they saw that it was alec they relaxed. “ Hey Alec come in” Simon said, “ This is Raphael he just came in today”. Alec looked at Raphael and Raphael gave him a nod. “ Come and see what we’ve got, Raphael smuggled it in.” Lydia said exited. Alec stepped further in the room to look at what Lydia holds in her hand. It was some kind of alcohol. “Come join us” Maia said smiling while making room on the bed. Lydia poured some alcohol in a cup and gave it to Alec. Alec looked at unsure what to do. “What you never had alcohol before” Jace asked grinning. Alec didn’t answered but instead he brought the cup to his lips and took a sip. He felt it burn in his throat but he liked the taste. He took another sip and before he knew it he drank the whole cup. He felt weird but when Lydia refilled his cup he took another sip enjoying the taste.

 

Magnus POV.

He was looking at the file on his desk but he couldn’t focus. He kept thinking of Alexander. His powers or abilities, what he felt when he touched him, how vulnerable he looked, how he told him that he was beautiful.  
He pushed the file aside, feeling irritated. How could he face Alexander?. He had to keep the relationship professional, he was a minor and if that weren’t enough reasons, work also forbid personal relations between patients and their doctor. But he could not look at him without wanting him, wanting to be close to him. He was just about to stand when the door opened and it revealed alexander. “What are you doing here Alexander” He asked with a harsh voice. 

“ I just missed you” Alexander said and he giggled. Magnus was stunned “ Alexander are you drunk?” Magnus asked with disbelieve. “ I believe I am” He said walking with unsure steps towards Magnus. Then he suddenly stopped in front off a bouquet of flowers. He pulled a rose that was almost perished. He held it in his hand and the rose started to blossom again. He then walked towards Magnus and stopped in front of him. He handed him the beautiful red rose “ for you” He said a giggle escaping him and without warning Alec sat on his lap. “ Why are you avoiding me?” he said whining. “ Don’t you like me anymore?” He asked his eyes, filling with tears on Magnus. Magnus wasn’t able to move. Alec’s whole body was pressed against Magnus. His smell sweet like roses surrounded him. His face inches from his own face, big eyes staring into his eyes. Alec moved his hips so he could come closer. His whole body was now pressed against him. 

He saw the change in Alec face. His eyes flattered close. His breathing became faster. His lips parted. He felled Alec’s member pressing against his. Alec moved his hips again to create friction. A moan escaped his lips. Magnus wanted nothing more then to take him right here and right now. “ Alexander we can’t” he said a moan escaping his lips when Alec moved his hips again. Alec opened his eyes and looked at Magnus “ but you want this. I can feel it you want to touch me so badly” He whispered in Magnus ears. The alcohol was clearly giving Alec courage. “You want this. “ He licked at a sensitive spot in his neck and Magnus instantly moaned. “And this Alec said moving his hips again” I’m only doing what you are thinking of and I never though it could feel so good. That I want somebody so badly” Alec said desperate moving his hips again, causing them both to moan. “Alexander” Magnus said talking his hands into his and pushing him a little backward. “ We can’t you are drunk and you are a minor and I ‘am..” He then saw Alec’s eyes. They were bleu like the sky full with desire. Desire for him. That was the moment he lost all control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments and kudos if you liked the chapter and/or story.  
> It keeps me writing:)


	10. rejection

Magnus POV

Magnus pushed him from his lap. Alec who was already drunk lost his balance and landed on the floor. Magnus jumped up from the chair and walked to the window not looking at Alec, his hands shaking. “Magnus” Alec asked confused trying to stand up from the floor, failing miserably. Magnus didn’t answered. He was concentrated on his breathing trying to calm down. 

When he succeeded, guild washed over him. What was wrong with him? He almost lost it and he never lost control. Not even after finding out Camille was cheating him. When he’d come home and caught Camille and Samuel ( a good friend) in the act. His heart broke instantly. He calmly asked Camille to get of his friend and pack her bags. He then turned around and walked out of his apartment straight to Catherine, who comforts him with a lot of ice cream and alcohol. Alec was drunk. He had no excuse. He was a bad person. He almost took advantage of him. 

There was an awkward silence between them until Magnus broke it. “ Alexander. I’m so sorry. I almost took advantage of you and that is unforgivable. I know we have some kind of click, You saved my life and you trust me with your secret, but I have to make clear that I am your doctor and I am well aware that most of your problems come from your “gift” but I promise you, as long as you are here I will help you with every problem I can” Magnus took a big breath making sure his face didn’t show emotion. “ And outside the doctor patient relationship, I hope we can become friends. But that said we will never be more then just friends.” Magnus said turning around and looking in alexander eyes. He saw the change on Alec’s face immidealtly. Like he instantly sobered up. His hazelnut eyes avoided eyes contact. A blush spread on his cheeks. He looked embarrassed and awkward. 

“ I’m sorry” Alec whispered. I don’t know what came over me. Off course you don’t like me that way. I don’t know what I was thinking, ” he said with a quite voice. He went with his hand trough his hair, making it messier than it already was. Magnus looked away trying to ignore the impulse to throw his arms around the boy and hold him close. He heard a click of the door and when he looked up Alec was gone. 

He walked to his desk. In his mind he could still feel Alec sitting his lap and kissing in his neck, He grunted and wiped the case files with on movement from his desk. He felled anger. Anger because he never felt so vulnerable before. With one look from Alec with his beautiful blue eyes he almost lost self-control and the last time he lost control he killed his father. 

He tried not to think of it but he still had nightmares so fifed, that the dreams never made him forget any detail. His mother tried her best to take care of him. His father was a piece of shit. A criminal, beating girls up just for fun. His mom stayed with him because she’d didn’t have a choice. She was poor and after she got pregnant her parent kicked her out. She was dead to them. So she survived the beatings, as did he. 

One night he was twelve his mom worked the nightshift. His dad came drunk home and started yelling. Why there was no beer. He started beating Magnus to a point he wasn’t sure he was still alive. While his father kept beating him he became so angry that took an ass cane from the table and crashed it on the back of his fathers head just to make him stop. His dad fell and hit the ground, instantly dead. He stayed sitting on the ground, not able to move or to talk, still in chock, until his mom came home.

She saw what happened and called the police. They took him for questioning and before he stepped in the police car his mum hugged him, saying it wasn’t his fault. Tears running down her cheeks. She kissed his cheek careful, told him she loved him. That was the last time he saw her she hanged herself and he went into foster care until he got into college. 

 

He felt so frustrated. Alexander did things to him he never felt before. Things he didn’t want to feel. He didn’t want to lose control, never again. Suddenly he felt drained from all the emotions. He did the right thing telling alexander that they never become more then friends. He was still so young and on top off that he was special. Like an angel sent from god to make the world a better place and then there was him. Damaged, killed his own father, almost took advantage of him. He didn’t deserve him, someone so special and beautiful. He would only bring him down.  
He picked up the case files from the floor and organized them. Yes he really did the right thing. He concluded. Then why did he feel so lost?

 

Alec POV  
Alec walked back to his room and sat on the bed, staring at the wall. The affect of the alcohol was almost gone. He wanted to vanish. He buried his head in his hands. How could he ever face Magnus again? He made a fool out of himself. He felt someone sitting next to him without looking he knew it was Jace. Jace threw his arms around him and pushed him against his chest. Alec let his tears run making jace’s shirt wet. Jace didn’t talk he just held him close. When he calmed down he looked up at jace “ thank you” he said between sobs. 

Jace wiped the tears from his cheeks. He felt jace’s love and worries through his touch. He couldn’t explain it but it felt like their souls connected. “ Do you wanna talk about it? “ Jace asked with a gentle voice. “ I made a fool out of myself” Alec said his cheeks already red again. “ Why? ” jace asked. “ I sat on Magnus lap and kissed his neck. Trying to seduce him” Alec said burring his head in his hand again. He felt so embarrassed. “ And?” jace asked trying to hide the amused in his tone. “ He pushed me from his lap and told me we would never become more then friends” Alec mumbled with his head still buried. 

“ I am so sorry Alec. I didn’t know you liked man, but that’s okay. I think I am bisexual. Maybe Magnus did it because he is your doctor and you are a minor? Alec interrupted “ My 18 birthday is in two weeks” Jace looked at him” But you are still a minor now” jace said. “ I don’t think that’s the problem. He just doesn’t see me that way. I felt that he was attracted to me but that doesn’t mean he likes me or wants to be with me. Alec rambled.

How could I do that jace. I’m so stupid. I mean did you look at him. He is so beautiful and perfect of course he doesn’t like me. Putting aside that I am a freak, I have never kissed someone before, or dated or do anything. Maybe it’s because of me that nobody likes me. I’m weird and ugly. Alec said looking at the floor. 

Jace put his finger under Alec’s chin and pulled his chin up so Alec had to look at jace. “ You have to see yourself through someone else’s eyes. Then you would see what everyone sees.” “ And what do they see?” Alec asked with a little voice. “ They see how beautiful you are, inside and out. You are perfect Alec and anyone who doesn’t see that is stupid and don’t deserve you” jace said with a gentle voice. “ Really?” Alec asked his voice breaking a little. “Really “ Jace said. Alec threw his arms around Jace and hugged him. “Thank you Jace, I am so glad we are best friends” He said mumbling into jace’s shirt. Jace hugged him back.

That evening they watched a movie, lying next to each other. “ I thought about what you said.” Jace started. “ About never kissed someone before or dated. I think we need to change that” Jace finished. “ How do you mean?” Alec asked confused. “ I’ m gonna make sure you kiss someone to get some experience, to give you some confidence, you deserve that. And I don’t think we need have to look for someone because I already know who likes you and wants to kiss you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments and kudos  
> Thank YOU:)


	11. First kiss

Alec pov

“I will be right back.” Jace said hopping from the bed. Silence fell in the room. Alec kept thinking on what Magnus said to him. He tried not to feel hurt but somehow it didn’t work. He thought about Magnus beautiful eyes that stared into his when he straddled his lap. The moans escaping his mouth when he grinded against him. Did he do it wrong? He knew he had no Experian’s but he hoped that Magnus didn.t care about that. When he saved him he felt that Magnus was attracted to him. He thought he liked him. How could he be so wrong? Now he had embarrassed himself. Maybe his abilities’ scared him off. He knows he is different. He signed and pulled his pillow over his face trying to stop his thoughts. 

When jace came back, he took the pillow from Alec’s head. “ Come on, we are going to Simon’s room” he took alec’s hand and pulled him from the bed. “ Why?” Alec asked confused. “ You will see” Jace said inpatient. When they arrived at Simon’s room, jace knocked and pushed the door open. Alec’s looked in the room and saw Simon, Rafael, Lydia and Maya already sitting on the bed chatting with each other. “Hey” Alec said with a shy smile, not being used to people who liked to hang out with him. 

“ Where do you guy’s want to do this?” Simon asked standing from the bed and walking to his desk. He pulled an empty bottle from the draw. “ I think the floor is our best option” Lydia said also standing. Everybody followed. “ What are we doing?” Alec whispered in jace’s ear. “ Spin the bottle. Do you know the game?” Jace asked. Alec shook his head.

Jace pulled Alec to the side. When he was sure nobody could hear them, he starts explaining. “ It’s a game were you spin the bottle and you have to kiss the person were the bottle is pointing at” Jace said. Alec started to panic but jace placed a finger at his lips, preventing him from speaking. “ I know you have to touch people and people touch you but I think that it will be good for you. you can touch me and Magnus and nothing bad happened right? Not waiting for an answer he continued, 

“ You came here to become better right. And I know that you are “Special” but that doesn’t change the fact that you need to be able to touch people without freaking out. So what you can see and feel thinks about them. They don’t know that right? Jace said with a soft reassuring voice. 

“ Alec you are so special” Jace took Alec’s hand in his. “I want you to be happy and you will never be happy if you keep hiding yourself. You are so strong. You can use your ability to help people, to make a different in the world.” Jace fell silence and waited for Alec to response. Alec though about it, he didn’t want to hide anymore. Since he met Jace and magnus he felt what it was to be happy. Not to be lonely anymore. He didn’t want to hide anymore. He was done being a Coward. “ He took a big breath and looked up to meet Jace’’s eyes. “ Will you help me?” He simply asked. Jace smiled at him “I will be there every step of the way”.

Jace and alec walked to the middle of the room, were everybody was sitting. Alec sat next to Jace and Maya. They all sat in a circle. Maya was the first to spin the bottle. It kept spinning until the bottle slowed down and stopped pointing at Rafael, who sat next to her. Maia smiled and leant towards Rafael. She pressed a kiss on Rafael lips. She pulled back with a blush on her cheeks giggling. 

Now it was Rafael’s turn to spin the bottle. The bottle kept spinning until it stopped and pointed at Simon. Alec felt jace stiffen. Rafael smirked and sat on his knees, took Simon shirt in his hands and pulled Simon closer until their lips touched. The kiss lasted a lot longer then the kiss between Maya and Rafael. Maya and Lydia started to whistle while laughing. Alec looked at jace but his face didn’t show emotion. Simon pulled back, blushing. He looked at Jace but jace avoided looking at him.   
Simon took the bottle and spins it around. It landed at Jace. Simon laughed nervous before he leaned in and pushed his lips against Jace. Jace sat there frozen until he pushed Simon back. Simon’s face showed hurt but it was quickly gone. Jace spins the bottle and it landed on Lydia. Jace smirked while leaning in and pressed his lips on lydia’s. He moved his lips. The kiss lasted pretty long. Jace pulled back smirking he gave her a wink and sat down next to Alec. Lydia blushed and smiled. Alec saw the angry look coming from Simon. 

The game continued and 10 minutes later everybody had kissed each other except from Alec. Until Lydia spins the bottle again and it landed on Alec, Alec instantly felt nervous. Lydia smiled at him and leaned forward to him. She was so close that he could smell her perfume. And when their lips almost touched there was a knock on the door and the opened. Alec couldn’t believe his luck he was about to get his first kiss and off course they got interrupted. He though annoyed. He turned around and his eyes locked with Magnus. A shock went through him, when he saw the look in Magnus’s eyes. 

Lydia was still very close and their bodies were almost touching. Jace felt the awkward silence and broke it. “ Hello Magnus” It snapped Magnus from his current state. “ I heard all the noise and it’s pretty late. I think you all should call it a night and go to your rooms” Magnus said not looking at alec. Everybody stood up said there goodbye’s and went to their rooms. 

He and jace walked trough the hallway when Magnus grabbed his arm. “ I need tot talk to you “ Magnus said pulling him towards his office. Alec throws a look towards Jace but jace just shrugged his shoulders not knowing what to do. Alec gave him a smile that said: I will be okay.

Magnus closed the door behind them and looked at Alec. Anger visible on his face. “Is something wrong?” Alec asked confuse. “ You were going to kiss Lydia,” He exclaimed well knowing he had no right to be angry. “ Alec still looked confuse “ Yes I was” he simply said. “ Why?” Magnus asked trying to keep his emotions under control. “ Because I never kissed someone” Alec said with a little voice looking shy at the floor, cheeks red of embarrassing. Magnus let out a sign. Not knowing what to say. 

He was glad he interrupted the kiss between Lydia and Alec because deep down he wanted to kiss Alec. That was the truth. And now he knew Alec hadn’t kissed anyone before he just wanted it more and be his first kiss but it wasn’t fair to Alec. Alec looked up when Magnus still hadn’t said anything. They just stared at each other. 

Magnus walked towards Alec he was pulled the boy towards him not able to stop himself. “ Alec, what am I supposed to do with you” he said with a gentle voice. He let his finger cherish the boy’s cheek. Alec pressed into the touch. He got an feeling from Magnus that he didn’t understand. “ You just want to kiss whoever just because you want to be kissed?” Magnus asked with a sharp edge to his voice. 

Alec just shook his head and said, “ the person I want to kiss doesn’t feel the same. Alec said pulling himself back, stepping away from Magnus’s touch. “ I don’t want to be afraid anymore, I want to experience things, be happy, not feeling like a freak because I am different and I want to kiss. He finished almost out of breath. Not looking at Magnus. Alec turned around walking to the door when Magnus grabbed his wrist and pulled him against his body. Alec instantly felt the warm radiated from Magnus’s body. “ I just can’t stay away from you.” Magnus said looking confused and a little lost. Magnus pulled his chin up. “ May I?” Magnus asked looking at Alec’s lips. “Yes” Alec whispered afraid of breaking the spell. Magnus lowered his head and their lips touched.


	12. Leaving

Alec POV

When their lips touched feelings crushed over him and he closed his eyes. He felt his knees buckle when Magnus pulled him closer. Every inch off their bodies touched. Magnus moved his lips over his and licked his bottom lip asking for entrance. Alec opened his mouth and Magnus tong touched his. An electric shock went through him that let his body shiver, with a feeling off fever. A moan escaped his lips. " Magnus" 

He let his hands wander over Magnus back while trying to pull him closer. Magnus pressed their hips together. A shot off wild desire went thought him when he felt something hard pressed against him. When they both needed to breath Magnus pulled back. 

Alec opened his eyes and looked at Magnus through his long black lashes. He was panting trying to catch his breath. Magnus looked at him lust clearly visible in his eyes. It seems that Magnus was trying to control his feelings to clear his head, what seemed to work until Alec slowly licked his lips because he wanted to taste Magnus Again. He saw his blue eyes reflected in the mirror on the wall. Magnus who had tried to control himself just lost it.

He gripped Alec’s shirt and pushed him against the wall burring his hands in Alec’s hair, while he crashed his lips on Alec’s. Alec knowing what to expect, opened his lips and welcomed Magus tong. He pushed his hips against Magnus not really knowing what he was asking for. Lust consumed him until he felt Magnus feelings go through him. Desire, hope, guilt but most off all fear. The fear consumed his body. Magnus was afraid of him. 

It felt like a cold bucket of water was poured over him. With what felt like the last strength he possessed, he pushed Magnus off him still panting. Magnus eyes were filled with shock and surprise. Alec moved away from the wall trying to get distant between them. 

He didn’t look at Magnus trying to control his breath. Neither of them tried to break the silence.  
Magnus walked a few steps towards Alec but Alec held his hand up to stop Magnus.  
“ I’m sorry” Magnus said unsure how to proceed. “ I crossed the line” Alec still didn’t look at him.   
Magnus pushed a hand through his hair. “You’re sorry you kissed me? Alec asked with a soft voice and something else that Magnus couldn’t place. 

No.. Uhm Yes.. I Mean.. Magnus tries to explain. “ Save it “ Alec snapped when he turned around and left without a word. 

Alec walked to his room and slammed the door and he paced though the room. Jace sat on his bed with his laptop on his lap. He didn’t speak. He just keeps watching Alec, waiting until he was ready to talk.   
When Alec sunk on the bed he looked defeated. There was a silence before Alec whispered: “he is scared of me” and then tears covered his cheeks. Jace walked over to Alec’s bed and pulled him in a hug. “ It’s going to be okay” he whispered in Alec’s ear while he stroke Alec’s back. 

“ How is he scared of me? I thought he understood me? Liked me even? How could I be so wrong? He whispered with some desperation in his voice. Jace let him cry until the tears dried on alec’s cheek. 

“Thank you Jace” Alec said pulling jace closer in the hug. “I don’t know what I would do without you” Alec said while he wiped the tears from his cheeks. “ I will always be there for you, no Mather what. We are best friend for life. Jace said putting a finger beneath Alec’s chin and lifts it up. “ Do you believe me”? Jace asked wanting to make sure that Alec knew he would be there for him. . “Yes I know it. I..I can feel it. Alec whispered giving him a small smile. 

 

Magnus POV

Magnus kept looking at the door, not knowing what happened. He wanted to explain that he didn’t want to take advantage of him while he was his patient. He wanted to tell him what he felt when he kissed Alec but somehow the words where stuck in his throat. 

He never felt this before, the desire, he wanted nothing more then to take the boy against the wall not caring if someone could walk in on them, not caring that he was his patient, not caring that he was falling for the boy, falling fast. When he realized he was falling in love, fear washed over him. 

He never wanted to fall in love again. Not after Camille pulled his heart out of his chest. Nobody truly loved him in his life. Not his father, not his mother because otherwise she wouldn’t kill herself and surely not Camille. He gave up the idea of love because it wasn’t for him. 

It seemed like nobody could love him. The boy desired him and felt save with him and he took advanced of that. He was supposed to protect him and now he hurt him even more. He sighed. He really fucked up this time. 

 

Alec POV  
Before he fell asleep his thoughts wandered. The fear he felt coming from Magnus felt a lot like the fear he felt from his parents if something happened that they couldn’t explain. He didn’t understand why they were scared of him. 

He would never hurt someone. He tried to be a good person. He wants people around him who liked him for him. Who know about him and still love him. He didn’t want to life in fear. He didn’t want to stay here; the last few weeks he learned that he wasn’t crazy. He was special and different but not crazy. He was going to tell his family about his abilities he debited just before he fell asleep.

The next morning he went to Magnus office and knocked on the door. “Come in” Magnus called. Alec walked in but didn’t sit down. Magnus was about to say something but Alec beat him to it. “ I want a family session today. I want to tell them” he said confident. “ Well I think it’s is a good idea that you want to tell your family. But today is a little short notice I think, maybe we can talk today, just the two of us.” Magnus said, his voice a little unsure. 

Alec looked at the floor and kept his hands in his pocket afraid that Magnus would see that they trembled. “ Sir, if you don’t mind I really want to talk to my family.” Alec said meeting Magnus eyes. Magnus starred at him, feeling a little angry about his formal attitude while just yesterday he had kissed him while the boy moaned his name. He didn’t understand why Alec ran but he really wanted to talk to the boy. “ Alright I will call your family and see if they are able to come. Okay? Alec nodded. “ Thank you Sir” Alec said just before he left.

While Alec left he crashed with somebody. He almost trip but composed himself. He looked at the little girl lying on the floor. “Alec rushed to the floor and pulled the girl up. “ Are you okay”? The girl smiled at him “ yes I Am. I am Nikki” she said while she reached for Alec’s hand. “ I’m Alec” Alec said with a smile looking at the adorable girl in front of him. She had long brown hair, beautiful blue eyes and puffy cheeks, wearing a yellow dress. 

The moment they touched Alec felt something bad in the girl. “ You are sick” he said not asking. The girl pulled her hand back. And looked at the floor before she met Alec’s eyes. “ Yes I am, cancer” she said like it was no big deal. Will you come and meet my family she said while she pulled him along towards Raphael’s room. “ Hey Rapfael, mom, dad, this is Alec” she said like they were long lost friend. Alec chuckled. “ Hey” alec said with a shy smile. “ He knows I am sick” The little girl told her family. Alec met Raphael’s eyes. They looked so sad. Alec tried to swallow the lump in his throat. “Did you tell him” the mom asked. “No he just knew” She said looking at Alec. Alec made a decision, he didn’t want to hide anymore maybe he could help the girl. “ Will you come here” he asked the girl. The girl walked to him. He looked at he family.

“ Maybe I am able to help. May I try something?” Alec asked. “Try what?” The father asked suspiciously. “I want to help here” he said with an honest voice. The father wanted to say something but the mother stopped him. “Please” she said. Alec put his hands on the girl. Immediately he felt his energy enter the girl’s body. It fees like he was drained, like he was fighting something he couldn’t seen. After a while, what seemed forever. The bad in the girls body was gone. He let go of the girl and he fell on the floor. Exhausted.

He looked over at the girl and he saw lying on the floor. The father picked the girl up from the floor. “ Are you okay” he asked concern visible in his voice. He hugged the girl. “ Yes dad I am fine” She said trying to escape her dad’s hold. She walked towards Alec” You helped me. I don’t feel tired anymore” she said looking at Alec like he was hero. The mom walked to the girl and lifted her dress and exposed her belly. “ Her belly is flat. The tumor is gone.”

What did you do? It doesn’t matter. Thank you!! Thank you!!” she shouted while she lanced herself on Alec. Alec catched her and hugged her back feeling her gratitude. It warmed his soul.   
He knew now what he wanted to do with his life. 

That afternoon he had a session with his family. He asked if he could speak with them in private. Magnus really wanted to stay but Alec had said to him that he wanted to do it alone. After telling his parent the whole story and finding out they didn’t believe him. He tried an hour of convincing them but they wouldn’t listen and avoided to look in his eyes like he was a crazy person. He knew they would never believed him unless he showed them. And he wouldn’t do that. 

If his family didn’t believe his word then they didn’t trust him. He simply stood up and walked to the door, turned around and said “ I’m sorry you couldn’t find it in you to trust and believe me. You never did, I tried to tell you so many times” he took a big breath and continued. “ I’m tired of trying” with that he turned around and walked through the door. 

Alec went to his room and pullet his bag from under his bed and filled it with his belongings and clothes. Jace walked in “ what are you doing?” he asked “ I’ m leaving, I’ am nearly 18 and I’ m not crazy. I don’t belong here” Alec said. When he heard a zipper he looked around and saw Jace packing his bags too. “ What are you doing?” Alec asked stunned. “ I’m coming with you” jace simply said. Alec walked to Jace and pulled him in a hug. “ How do we get out of here?” Jace asked. Raphael’s parents are helping me. I knew there was a change my parent’s wouldn’t want to believe so I asked them for a favor. They are going to distract clary and Rapfael will open the door, then we can stay with Rapfael parents until we find a job and a place to life. He said closing his bag. “ Why would they do that?” Jace asked in disbelief. “ Because I helped their daughter. Alec said.

 

Magnus POV.

The next morning when he went into his office there was a note on his desk. He walked closer until he could read the words on the note.

 

 

Dear Magnus.

By the time you read this, I’m gone.   
I wanted to thank you for helping me, for making me feel safe (and not a freak), for giving me my first kiss and thank you for letting me feel happiness.   
I know you are scared of me I could feel it when we kissed.  
I’m sorry that I scared you. I would never hurt you.

I will never forget you. I hope you will be happy.

With Love Alec ( Alexander for you)

 

 

Magnus saw that the note was wet not realizing it were his own tears.


	13. new beginning

Two years later.

Magnus POV

It was dark in the club. The music was loud and people were dancing. He stood at the bar watching the crowd. Catherine was dancing with Ragnor. They weren’t a couple but Magnus was sure they weren’t just friends. She met his eyes and winked at him. Usually he liked these clubs. But tonight was different. He felt lonely. He didn’t know were the feeling came from. 

He saw Simon and Raphael making their way towards him. After Simon’s treatment was done he had a fling with Rafael. After a few weeks they broke up but they remained best friends. Raphael had asked him if he could stay at the clinic after his treatment to help people. Magnus though it was a good idea after that, they became friends.

“ Hey Magnus” Simon said, while he laid his hand on Magnus shoulder. “ Did you miss me” He asked with a grin on his face. “ I just saw you 1 hour ago in the clinic” Magnus said rolling his eyes. Simon just smiled sweet and said” that what I mean. A whole hour without me, the silent must have been devastated”. He said grinning. Magnus couldn’t help, but smile. Rafael pushed Simon a beer in his and Magnus a cocktail. 

Nipping from his cocktail he looked at the people on the dance floor. His eyes were drown to tall man, who had his back towards Magnus. He had long black hair that rested on his shoulder. He wore black pants that hugged his ass just the right way. He had broad shoulders and looked really well build. Magnus couldn’t stop staring He was dancing with another man, also handsome with short brown hair. He was a little taller. He had his hands resting on the hips from the black haired man. 

The man with black hair moved his hips to the music. He danced really well. Magnus jeans became a lot tighter. He swallowed the rest of his cocktail and put the empty glass on the bar. Just when he wanted to make his way towards the black haired man, the man suddenly turned so Magnus could see his face. And he felled like someone pushed him in the gut. His breath hitched and he stood frozen. The man was alexander. And boy was he gorgeous, he was beautiful before but now he was a man, he was absolutely stunning. He couldn’t move, he just watched alexander dancing with the man. He had a blush on his cheeks, wide eyes and a little smile on his face.

Another man appeared behind Alexander and the man put his arms around Alexander’s waist. But before alexander could react he saw Jace appear. He took Alexander’s wrist and guides him away from the two men. The man with the brown hair was about to protest but Jace just gave him one angry glare and the man puts his hands up as if he surrendered. Magnus followed Alexander and Jace trough the crowed. Jace led alexander to a table in the corner of the club. Magnus kept his distant so nobody would notice him.

Alexander smiled at a beautiful girl who Magnus presumed was his sister. She changed a lot. Next to her sat a man with long black hair. His hair was almost as long as alexander’s sister. He looked like a warrior that stepped from a movie. Another man approached the table with a smile he sat down, way to close to alexander. Magnus felt the anger build inside him. He was heartbroken when alexander left and it looked like alexander just lived his live without missing Magnus in it. 

He flashes his eyes. Making his eyes dry and buried the hurt deep inside him. After watching 10 minutes alexander stood up from the table and made his way to the toilets. Magnus thought this was his change to confront Alexander alone. He fallowed alexander trough the door and walked inside after waiting a couple seconds.

When he entered the room seemed empty until he felt a tug at his shirt and suddenly his back was pressed against a wall and he looked straight into Alexander’s blue eyes. “ Magnus” he heard alexander say. His face inches from his. He felt alexander’s hot breath on his cheeks. Magnus felt his heart racing against his chest. Alexander was a little taller then he. Strands of his long black hair stroke his cheeks. And it took all of Magnus self-control, not to comb his hand trough that beautiful hair. 

Alexander looked at him as if Christmas came early this year, he lifted his hand while he still held Magnus against the wall and let his finger streak Magnus’s cheek. “ You are here” he heard alexander whisper.” And you are angry” Magnus puts his hands to Alec’s waist. He just couldn’t, not touch him after all this time. Alexander just looked at his as if he was dreaming. “ You left me” Magnus said with anger in his voice. 

Alexander puts his nose in Magnus neck like he was hiding. “ You were scared of me” There was no accusation in his voice. He said it, as if it was the truth. Magnus felt his anger built. But before Magnus could say something he said “ I felt your fear when we kissed” realization must have been visible on Magnus face because he pulled his hands back and let Magnus go. He stepped back and put his hand in his pockets. But he didn’t take his eyes of Magnus. Magnus saw that his bleu eyes were gone instead they were hazelnut-green. 

The door opened and Jace walked inside. “ I was worried. You were taking forever” Jace started to say but stopped when he saw Magnus. “ Magnus.. Hey, how are you? Long time not seen.” That’s when he realized the tension in the room. “ Hello jace. May I have I few minutes with Alexander? Magnus asked. Jace just looked at Alec and when Alec nodded he walked to the door and closed it behind him. There was a line for the door. 

Magnus took Alexander’s hand afraid that if he didn’t hold him he would disappear. He pulled alexander to a quit corner in the club. “ Why didn’t you tell me and let me explain instead you run off and left me” Magnus said. Alexander looked at Magnus and pulled his hand out of Magnus grip. “ You were terrified, what could you possible explain? He said crossing his arms on his chest. 

“ You are right I was terrified. But not for you.” I was terrified of my feelings for you. Everybody who I loved was dead, or used me, or left me.” Magnus said tears welling in his eyes. He angry blinked them away while looking at the floor. He felt a finger under his chin to pull him up. “ Is this the truth?” he almost demanded. 

But before he could say anything. Alexander’s hand dropped from his chin. There were so many emotions on his face. “ It is the truth” he said almost not believing it. “ You had feelings for me? And I left you” Alexander began pacing. “ Your greatest fear and I left. I’ m so sorry Magnus. He walked towards Magnus and pulled him in a hug. “ Please let me make this right, please. There wasn’t a day I didn’t think of you. Please.” He pleaded.   
“ Give me your phone” Magnus said. Alexander pulled backed, unlocked his phone and gave it to Magnus. Magnus put his number in and gave the phone back. I need some time to process, but if you want you can call me tomorrow when we are sober. With that he turned around and walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry it took me a while to write a new chapter...  
> I hope you like the chapter. If you do like the chapter/ story please leave kudos and comments. I really really like it :)


	14. Waiting

Magnus POV

Magnus kept staring at his phone. His finger hovering above the call button on his phone. He woke up this morning with only one thing at his mind: Alexander. Beautiful Alexander. Every time he closed his eyes images of bleu eyes, dark hair and porcelain skin appeared. 

If he was honest to himself, he hadn’t stopped thinking of alexander. He lost a lot during his life but somehow losing alexander makes his heart ached in sorrow. How many times he had asked himself What if…. What if I was more open? What would have happened if I fought harder, be better, be more understanding, be more supported, kept him closer. Would he have stayed? Or would he still left. 

Alexander was so special, almost like an angel and he just felt he wasn’t worth him. That was de bottom-line. He threw the phone back on the table and walked to the kitchen to get coffee. Back at the table he kept looking at his phone. He picked it up and typed a massage:

To Alexander: Hello Alexander.

Within seconds a soft tone indicated a new massage. Magnus opened it

To Magnus: Hello Magnus. I’m glad you texted. Can I talk to you? I really want to talk to you. Please!

Magnus heard skipped a beat. Alexander wanted to talk. That was a good thing Magnus kept repeating in his head. 

To Alexander: Sure. When?

To Magnus: I have to work today until five but Maybe after work?

Magnus freaked out. Tonight? He wasn’t ready. He wasn’t ready to let him go. Not now. He just found him again. But it wasn’t fair to Alexander. To let Alec think that they could be a couple, Because that wasn’t going to happen. Alexander had an important and a beautiful future and he needed to find someone who is worthy of him. He needed to get it over with.

To Alexander: That’s fine. Meet me at my loft.

He sends his address to Alexander and waited for his response.

To Magnus: Thank you. I see you tonight.

 

Waiting until it was five felt as torture. He changed his clothes three times and settled with a black button up shirt and dark jeans. He set a line of kohl beneath his eyes to make them pop and put gel in his hair. He turned the TV on to pass the time. When he looked outside it was already dark. He just wanted to get something to drink, when he heard a knock on the door. 

He took a deep breath before he opened the door. He heart missed a few beats. Looking at alexander. God he was gorgeous!. With his light jeans and black sweater that embraced his broad shoulders and combat boots. His hair was pushed behind his ear on one side. The gorgeous strong confident man was nothing like the unsecure boy he was 2 Years ago.

 

He kept staring at him and alexander stared back at him. Magnus stepped aside to let Alexander in. “ Do you want something to drink?” Magnus asked while walking to the kitchen. He needed to pull himself together. 

When Magnus walked past him, Alexander grapes his arm. “Magnus” He whispered. He let his fingers trail the skin on Magnus his arm. Magnus shivered. “ You are nervous” Alexander said right before he pulled his hand back. “I’m sorry” I just need to know how you feel”. Alec said, while he pulled his hand trough his hair. Frustration is visible on his face. 

Alexander began pacing. “ You wanted to talk “ Magnus said with an unsure voice, not knowing what to expect. 

“ yes, Magnus I.. I want to tell you that I think you are right. I Mean… You are right I left you and that makes me kind of an asshole. But the thing is leaving you was the hardest thing I ever did. I survived years of bulling, disbelief, people who thought I was crazy, I fought demons, I lost so much over the last years. But losing you felt like a arm was missing, like I couldn’t breath, like I wasn’t whole. The images of your face hunted me every night. Long day and nights that were full of longing and grief. 

God I missed you and I refuse to let you go for the second time because I nearly didn’t survive the first……. Before Alec could finish his sentence, Magnus pushed him against the wall and kissed him desperate. Alexander’s hands rested on Magnus waist and he pulled Magnus closer. Until there bodies were flushed against each other. 

Magnus moaned when their tongs touched. Alec flipped them over and put his hands under Magnus thighs and lifted him up. Letting the wall support Magnus weight. Magnus grunted his hips against Alec. The both needed to breath but that didn’t stop Alec from kissing and sucking his neck. “ I dreamed of this” Magnus panted, confessing like it was a secret. 

“ I waited for you” Alec whispered back. Magnus felt still. He pulled Alec his chin up until they could look at each other. They shared the same air. Alec tried to avoid Magnus eyes when he said “ I never done this before. I waited for you. I couldn’t image doing this with someone else.” Magnus was stunned. He stared at Alec’s face searching for answers. Alec avoided his eyes and his cheeks fleshed red. Magnus pulled away from alexander's hands. When his feet touched the ground alexander looked ashamed. Magnus put his hands on alexander’s cheeks, looked him in the eyes and said with a possessive voice.

“ I am going to make you mine. Only mine” Magnus said before he pulled alexander to his bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading. Please leave kudos and/ or comments if you like the story/ chapter. I really like that:)
> 
> ( next chapter there will be smut)

**Author's Note:**

> If you like the story or the chapter please leave comment and kudos  
> I really like it and it keeps me writing.


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